Stoker Award author
of The Guardener's Tale
Landis is one of the smartest people I know, and one of the best
writers. I am thrilled that he finally is getting a
poetry published, that audiences can wonder along with me, Who the hell thinks like that?"
author of breaths
excerpt from "Ten ways to tell if your cat
is a Space Alien" is now appearing on 700 RTA busses and trains as part
of the RTA
"Minds in Motion" project.
Ten Ways to Tell If Your Cat is a Space Alien
1. The cat has unexplained powers of hypnosis. And
occasionally teleports when nobody is watching.
2. When you come home, the stereo is tuned to the dead space between
stations. Even though you're sure that it was tuned to Easy
Listening when you last played it.
3. The cat sits on your lap, and there's a bright light, and the next
thing you know it's three days later, and you can't account for the
past 72 hours.
4. You get mysterious phone calls asking for names you never heard
of. The voice sounds like Elvis.
5. Your cat is interested in your old college chemistry text, and
absorbs its content by sitting on it. Every few minutes the
cat carefully turns to a new page.
6. Things in your house mysteriously disappear. Aluminum
foil. Coat hangers. Household bleach. The
magnetron tube from your microwave oven.
7. The cat sometimes seems to be trying to speak English, particularly
simple words: "wow," "me," "now," "yow," "out!" and
"isotopically-purified plutonium-237 trioxide."
8. The cat has taken an exceptional interest in the satellite
television dish. You think that this might be normal for
cats, but your cat has rewired it, and aimed it at the Andromeda galaxy.
9. The neighbors complain about bright lights hovering over your house
10. All cats are aliens. Why should yours be different?